A Whispered Promise of a Maybe
I was going to write about my very long week. And how tired I am. But after dribbling things down for half an hour with half of them making absolutely no sense, I went to sleep for a moment. I was ready to sleep when something pushed me to suck it up and finish what I started. I went to the bathroom, washed my face and stared in the mirror at my own reflection as the sleep slowly faded away… And later, I got down to writing this…
AROUND NOW
“So what? You think writing everything down will somehow help you in your situation?”
“Not everything. And no, but am not seeking for help”
“You really are a lost cause… You know, that right?”
“So, you keep saying”
1930HRS
She was sitting quietly in the comfortable hotel room, watching a movie on her phone. The room had two beds; she chose to use the one near the wall to wall window. Even though the audio from the movie was dominating the room, her mind was elsewhere. She couldn’t stop thinking of what would happen if she failed to meet her friend during the short trip. She knew she would be devastated, but will eventually get over it like she does everything else that is uncomfortable for her to deal with.
She had no intention of meeting any other person, except her friend. She would consider him her best friend but that would mean putting a label to the complicated yet interesting thing they had going on for a while. It was both their decision not to give their ‘relationship’ a defining label. They left that to the capable hands of their mutual friends. To say no one else knew them better than they knew each other would be an understatement. They had stuck to each other like glue since they met to the amusement of not just others but themselves.
Suddenly her thoughts were distracted when her phone started ringing. It was him. Probably calling to let her know it was going to be impossible to meet. She watched the phone ring for a while before finally picking it up.
Hello
Hey… Are you still in town?
Yeah
Where are you?
Umm… where are you?
I just got to town
Well, am in a hotel within the CBD
Sawa just give me the details
After sending the details of her location, she sat on the bed and contemplated wearing something decent. She didn’t want to give him any ideas, yet at the same time she wanted to give him just enough subtle hint to know she was comfortable enough in his presence. Instead of wearing a skirt or a trouser over her very translucent thigh length top, she decided to tie a towel around her waist.
WE ARE BACK TO NOW. RIGHT NOW
“You met him in a towel? Are you nuts?”
“Can’t you just listen to rest of the story without your interruptions?”
“Is the rest of this story having more stupid decisions?”
“Probably. Will you listen or not?”
“Go on…”
2000HRS
The phone in the hotel room started ringing. After two rings, she picked it up.
Hello
Hello. You have a visitor
Okay…
Can I send him up?
Yes, thank you
Okay
She quickly tried to make the bed look presentable. She walked to the dressing mirror to have one final look at herself. Once more she contemplated wearing something else other than a towel, but clearly all her brain functions had shut down.
Knock knock…
‘Here we go’ she whispered to herself before moving to open the door,
And there he was, standing tall. Taller than she imagined. Having the same charming boyish smile she had come to like. She didn’t even think of locking the door, all she could do was open her arms and welcome him into an embrace. It is said that if a hug lasts longer than a few seconds, there is great trust between the two sharing the hug. What do they say about those who just can’t let go off a hug?
After what seemed like a long while, she ushered him further into the room barely remembering to close the door.
“You’ve grown taller” she spoke up
“Really?”
“Yeah… So much taller”
“And you are growing more beautiful everyday”
Every time he called her beautiful, she would blush so embarrassingly. That one time was no exception.
RIGHT NOW. AGAIN.
“You did remember to say thank you this time, right?”
“Ummm…”
“Come on! Its basic human courtesy. How can you be so terrible at such basic things”?
“Because am complicated?”
“Tell me you at least offered him something to eat”
“About that…”
“No.”
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“You are about to tell me you talked to him for hours and gave him nothing”
“In my defence, all I had was water. And he wasn’t very clear about showing up so that was on him!”
“Am so sorry…”
“Why?”
“When will you learn?”
“Can I please go on?”
“Yeah sure, skip to the juicy parts, will you?”
2300HRS
They were sitting so close together on one bed, hands touching, while talking in their own little universe. They had been talking for hours and never seemed to run out of things to say. She was starting to worry about the time. He would soon ask to leave and she did not want him to go.
“Have you eaten?”
“No…” he answered so casually.
“Why didn’t you say something? Let me buy you supper. I hope there are places still open now”
“We are going?”
“You want me to go with you?”
“Yes” he always was one with quick answers.
After a few protests she finally decided to wear a skirt and go with him to get some food. Luckily, so many places were still open, and they didn’t have to go far. They were back to the room in no time. Him having gotten enough to eat, and her taking just water.
RIGHT NOW. A.G.A.I.N
“What now?”
“So, you let him eat alone?”
“Will you let me just finish this story without more interruptions?”
“Okay. As you were Shakespeare”
0000HRS
They continued talking while he ate, occasionally holding eye contact for far too long.
“Have you read the books I sent you?” he asked after a while.
“Ummm… no. Not yet. I just bought some other books. Once am done with the first one, I will definitely read them”
She was always fascinated by his love for reading. It is one of the things that they shared. A great appreciation for the literary art.
“Which book are you reading now?” he asked taking a small bite from his food.
“I bought Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart. I have never read it before…” she gave him a calm look before realising what she had just confessed “Do not judge me”
“Hahaha… I wouldn’t dream of it. I actually read it for the first time this year” he confessed, seemingly proud of himself.
“Good to know am not alone then…”
After a while, he turned and took her hands in his. They stayed quite for a while just playing with each other’s hands.
“I liked Paulo Coelho’s take on love”
“He is the one who wrote the Alchemist, right?”
“Yeah, one of the books I sent you”
“What is his take on love?” she asked genuinely curious.
“He mentions some of the usual things about love and how you can’t make someone love you, but all you can do for them is just love them. You know the way people usually say if you love someone let them go… they will come back…?”
“Yeah…?”
“Well he says something almost similar but not quite. Instead he says, if you love someone, don’t hold on hope that they will love you back. Just do your bit of loving them and leave the rest to them. If it doesn’t work, you move on happy that at least you loved”
She was watching him keenly, reading all his facial expressions.
“Have you loved like that before?” she finally asked not looking at him.
He looked at her probably debating whether to answer her or just let it slide.
“All these years I have loved you, and you question if I have ever loved like that before?” If she didn’t know any better, she could have sworn there was a hint of hurt in his voice.
Afraid of making things any weirder than they seemed to have turned out, she looked at him straight in the eye and smiled. It was a genuine smile that reflected in her eyes. He smiled back at her.
ANOTHER NOW INTERRUPTION
“He just told you he loves you, again. Tell me you at least gave him some words this time”
“Well… I kind of just smiled my way out of that”
“Eventually you are going to have to tell him how you feel. Using your own words”
“I know that. But somehow, I just can’t bring myself to say it when I want to. The other day I told him I miss him; it was via text and I felt so drained and vulnerable after that”
“Is that why you won’t be open with him? You’ll be vulnerable?”
“No… maybe… I don’t know. I just know once I tell him, it becomes real… and I can never take it back”
“Hmmmm… okay go on…”
0100HRS
They had finally agreed that they will be spending the night together. It wouldn’t be the first time they are sharing a bed. They have done it multiple times. Yet somehow this time round felt different. The air in the room was filled with their undying sexual tension and it was just a matter of time before one of them caves. Again.
She was lying on her back on the bed. He was sitting by her side playing with her hands. He always had a ‘liking’ for her hands. They stayed in that position for a long time. None of them talking, no one making any sudden moves. And now, if they were to both be asked who made the first move, they wouldn’t be able to tell.
Their lips met in a familiar yet very new passion, and no more words were needed to be exchanged between the two of them. They seemed to understand what each of them needed without having to say a word.
Layers of clothes were shed off… the kiss deepening with every minute… passion and unspoken confessions being exchanged between them until they were both out of breath…
HERE COMES DR. INTERRUPTION. FOR THE LAST TIME
“Wow! So, you two finally went the whole way? Does this mean you are finally officially dating?”
“What? No… We didn’t… we didn’t go the whole way… And what do you mean by ‘finally officially dating’?”
“You two have been kind of dating. What you’ve got going on between the two of you, has existed since you first met”
“Ummm… No. We are not dating. We actually talked about it… We put the decision on hold.”
“And this was your decision, right?”
“Yes. And he respected it. But am not ready to be in a relationship no matter my feeeeeeeelings. I have been single for a long time; the idea of a relationship feels a bit scary to me. Not to say I haven’t had a moment to consider dating… I just don’t want to… Not now. Plus, I am not the most open person to have ever existed.”
“What if he moves on and gets to settle with someone else?”
“Then I will accept that.”
“Really?… Are you sure about that? You were not always okay when he dated others in the past. What makes you think this time will be any different?”
“WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?”
“BECAUSE I AM YOU! YOU STUPID IDIOT! Not many people have conversations with themselves in the mirror after spending time with someone they love…”
“I know… But I will be fine. Right?”
“I do not know that… am sorry.”
0230HRS
They were lying side by side playing with each other’s hands. Allowing the moment that just happened between them sink in and be engraved deep in their memory palace.
“Hey… No matter what, we will always be okay, right?”
“Yes.”
RIGHT THIS FREAKING MOMENT.
Writing… Proofreading… Editing… Posting…
