I Got My First Regret Letter

I got a call notifying me that I had received a letter via EMS. The only problem was that the letter was in Kisumu and am in Nairobi. The lady who called told me the name of the sender and it just happened to be an organization I had sent an application to while job hunting. I mean they hadn’t even advertised; but I had decided to just give it a go. What did I really have to lose?

I called my sister who was in Kisumu at the time and asked her to pick the letter for me. I told her to just open it. It was a regret letter.

I expected to feel some sort of disappointment, but all I felt was joy, a bit of relief too; but the most protuberant feeling at the time was closure.

I know that’s a strange thing to say; but I was honestly happy.

While still in the university, I got wind of an opportunity in a very prestigious organization. I quickly applied and was open enough to mention that I was still in school; my final semester.

They wrote back and told me I was in fact the only applicant and they would be glad to have me join their team. They sent me documents to sign, and I did. We discussed the salary. It was my first job and those guys were willing to pay me quite a lot of money. Maybe that should have been the first indication that the deal was too good? But I was too happy to think about that. But really with words like these, who would question anything?  “I give you my assurance as the HR Manager that the process will not interfere with your studies as we have a plan put in place to ensure that you successfully complete your studies before you assume the vacancy fully. So, do not have any fears Miss Paula” Hmmm…

I had no experience! Zero! I was still in school. The most time I had spent working was attachment and a three-month volunteer stint. At the time, I believe it didn’t count for much. I also didn’t have all my results out yet. Why were these guys determined to hire me?

We exchanged emails on regular basis. Them assuring me of my position. “If I as the HR Manager I assure you and tell you the progress of the progress, take this to the bank that you are safe”

They kept on updating me on the progress of my appointment and I was so hooked I didn’t bother to search for a job elsewhere.

Then I finished school.

I emailed them notifying them that I can report at any time now that I was free.

Nothing.

I kept sending emails.

Nothing.

Then came the graduation. By then I wasn’t even excited about it. It was just a day. Had I had my way; I probably wouldn’t have attended it. After my graduation, I sent another email. I attached my papers. And I waited.

Nothing.

That was the last email I sent.

I understand silence. It’s the loudest language I know.

I started writing applications to different organizations. I kept applying for internships. I kept sending emails to different places. The one thing I refused to give up on was hope. It was all I had left.

Sometimes I think that I was heading into depression. I stopped using social media. I stopped writing. Nothing made me feel whole. Everything I used to like doing started feeling like it was draining my energy. I mean I had planned my whole life. And it was falling into pieces. I wasn’t ready to admit to any fault.

For a long time, I kept blaming that organization for screwing me over. I blamed them for my sadness. I blamed them for all the things I didn’t do that I could have done already. I blamed them for everything. And I was so mad and hurt. I wanted to walk into their offices and demand an explanation. I just needed to know at what point they changed their minds.

I would regularly go through the emails we had exchanged and feel so terrible.

In one of the emails, they said the reason my appointment was taking time was because the CEO was yet to sign my letter and he was out of office for a while. The letter had already been written apparently and I just had to be patient for a few weeks until the CEO comes back to sign it. It’s been two years already. It must have been one hell of a trip, huh?

Anyway, the point here is that I had such hopes placed in one area and it was all on me. I see that now.

Until I received the regret letter, I realized I was holding in so much anger.

And for the first time, in such a long time, I have felt a huge weight lifted off me. All because I got one letter. And I mean they actually took their time to look at my application and then sat down to write me a letter. They went ahead to post it. I have much more respect for that organization than I did before. That one letter has given me so much closure than I ever thought possible.

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I did get a job. I wrote about my interview here. It was a weird interview; but I got the job.