I Kinda Blew Up My First Interview

Usually before I embark on anything new, I always Google stories and opinions related to the same. Which was why me sitting with my laptop researching ‘how to answer interview questions’ was normal for me. I went further to look for questions related to my field that are likely to be asked in interviews. I felt ready for anything. At the end of most articles, the author recommended the interviewee to at least have one question prepared to ask the interview panel. And boy was I prepared with my intellectual question. It was safe and yet risky; smart but not cocky; it was the perfect question.

I will get back to that.

Before I travelled for the interview, I had the challenge of deciding what to wear. I didn’t want to look like am trying too hard, but at the same time I did want to look grown enough… or mature enough. Whichever would get me more points. I settled on what I felt comfortable with. Which when I think about now, didn’t really make me look as grown as I intended. I won’t go into details.

I wanted to be early for the interview because it speaks a lot about my time management skills. Which I must say are both shitty and impressive at the same time. I can get to the important/official appointments on time but however much I try, I find it difficult to get to a casual appointment on time.

Anyway, I got to the interview early. Very early.

I was ushered in to a conference room and there were two other people in. A man and a lady. Both looked like they knew exactly what was what. I was immediately feeling intimidated. I said hello to them and picked a seat. I didn’t want to seem idle, so I took a book out of my bag and started reading. More people kept coming in and each kept looking more put together than the last. By appearance only, I could tell I was the youngest there; and the least experienced one.

It was while waiting that I remembered I knew nothing about current affairs in the country. I was so outdated. Praying that I have enough time, I went online and read news articles on everything local; and anything international that may be of interest. To be on the safe side, I also looked through some general knowledge questions. There was no way I was walking into an interview panel without knowing how many countries are in Africa.

We had waited in the conference room for close to two hours with no one talking to anyone, when a HR manager came, introduced herself and told us to go have some tea before they start the interviews. I wasn’t passing that opportunity because I was hungry. In my attempts to keep time, I had not taken breakfast. It was while taking the tea that people started talking to each other.

Then came the interview part. The interview was in two parts. Practical and the oral one. I was prepared fully for an oral interview; I was not at all prepared to undertake a practical one. We were grouped as per our application positions and taken to different rooms. I was with two ladies. We were given thirty minutes to complete the practical part. Despite not being prepared for that part of the interview, it was the only part I was so confident about. I know I nailed it!

When we were done, we went back to the conference room to wait as the panel set up for the oral interviews. Since the shortlisted candidates for the position I had applied for were the fewest; the interviews started with our team. They decided to go in order of arrival; and that meant I was to go second. I don’t think my stomach has ever had any more knots like it had that morning.

When the HR manager came to call me, I stood, and followed her to a smaller room; with a centre table and seven panellists sitting on every side but one. There was one distinct chair at the head; I don’t have to say it was mine. I suddenly didn’t know what to do. Do I sit first? Do I wait to be told to sit? If I wait, do I greet them first? Do I shake all their hands? All I knew about interviews were rumours to me at the time.

I composed myself, and said a simple “Good morning”. They all responded and the HR manager told me to sit. That part went well.

One of the panellists asked me for my documents and proceeded to ask me to say something about myself while they checked through my papers. And they all seemed to take their sweet time looking through the papers. I had an abundance of time to talk about myself; and there was absolutely nothing to say. Other than my name, I was blank. I decided to just be frank and ask them what they wanted to know given that they already had my entire academic and professional background before them. Using their pointers, I talked about myself. I do not like talking about myself.

While my papers kept being passed around, I kept answering their questions and with time I relaxed and it stopped feeling like an interview and more like a casual conversation. Only with me doing a lot of talking.

One panellist asked me, “Paula, we see you have a degree in your field. Do you think this gives you an added advantage? And how so?”

Believe me, I was prepared for such a question. Google prepared me. I had my answer memorized. But the moment he finished asking the question, I forgot how to English. I couldn’t formulate an answer. The genius in me decided to ask, “Care to elaborate?”

As if he wasn’t clear enough. *sigh with a serious face palm*

He was kind enough to ‘clarify’. And this time he was smiling while asking the question.

My inner voice kept murmuring ‘Don’t you dare screw this up’ ‘You are smart damn it. Act like it’ ‘Simple answer Paula, just say something’.

I did not say something. Okay, I said something, it just wasn’t smart. And it made absolutely no sense. When I opened my mouth to speak, this is what I said, “Umm… Basically I feel like my academic achievements have given me the ability to be productive in my field; and empowered me with the skills to perform and with the theoretical knowledge I have from school having being taught well in this field of specialization, I am skilled in my field to be productive. I know I have the knowledge necessary to be productive in this field of study. Because you know…” then I blanked out. Completely. Suddenly everything I had just said came back to me and it sounded so effing lame. If I was quick to tears, I would have cried. I felt so embarrassed. But I tried to salvage the moment.

I looked him straight in the eye, smiled and told him the truth. As clear as my brain could generate it.

“I am sure it is obvious by now, I am so nervous, let me try that again”

He smiled back and I have no idea whether it was a mock smile or a genuine one. But with the minimal fake courage I had at the time, I counted to three and answered the shit out of that question. Or at least I think I did. But what I know is my second answer was way better than what I had said round one.

The HR manager went on to ask what my salary expectations were. I had already done my research and with all confidence, I said my figure. She wrote something down and then asked me “Gross or net?”

Guys, when in high school, I lost interest in maths just before we got to that part. I remember shit about it. I only regained interest in maths while in campus, and the most we did was some little advanced statistics. At the time, I didn’t know what those words meant. I just knew what I expected as my salary. I also have never had the interest to just know such basic things. Ignorance. You know what I said? What my genius brain came up with again?

“I have not calculated to know that”

Yap. I said that.

I was confident after that question that the interview was over. One of the panellists asked me to check if all my papers were as they were when I had walked in. As I was doing that, another asked if I have a question for them. I had prepared for that question. I really did. I said I did have just one question. They all looked at me expectantly and my mind went blank. I could not remember the perfect question I had prepared. I didn’t know if changing my mind about having a question seconds after affirming that I did would make me look indecisive. I swallowed my panic, cleared my throat, nodded my head as I looked at each of the panellists. My eyes settled on the HR manager, and I just went for it.

“How’s your induction process?”